Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
