there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
