Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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