i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
