I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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