it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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