those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
