I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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