God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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