One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
