"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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