The best revenge is premature balding
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
