i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The best revenge is premature balding
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
