If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
