i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
