Don't make out with my wife yet
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
