We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
