Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
