Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize