i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
