When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
