He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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