I faked an abortion last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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