I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
