Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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