Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just pynch a tree in the face
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
