ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
