We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.