Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin." http://tfl.nu/0mfk
  Replies (13) Good night (2614) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement http://tfl.nu/es6t
  Replies (53) Good night (782) Bad night (4718)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish? http://tfl.nu/s0dr
  Replies (10) Good night (808) Bad night (4042)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky. http://tfl.nu/b98l
  Replies (21) Good night (772) Bad night (3777)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/md62
  Replies (16) Good night (4542) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat" http://tfl.nu/3rr9
  Replies (6) Good night (955) Bad night (2257)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked. http://tfl.nu/4e23
  Replies (9) Good night (1716) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary. http://tfl.nu/nvwp
  Replies (17) Good night (4808) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Why am I always the sober one?

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Why am I always the sober one? (641): Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power... http://tfl.nu/bz1n
  Replies (4) Good night (1658) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE http://tfl.nu/air0
  Replies (4) Good night (1286) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid http://tfl.nu/52hr
  Replies (3) Good night (564) Bad night (1846)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership. http://tfl.nu/vlyz
  Replies (2) Good night (694) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after? http://tfl.nu/icc6
  Replies (8) Good night (850) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now? http://tfl.nu/ffln
  Replies (0) Good night (575) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know. http://tfl.nu/cmhk
  Replies (2) Good night (551) Bad night (218)

Randomize