drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?