my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
only you would photoshop your dick
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
