Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
