Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  dude, i look like john mccains neck right now

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  (818): dude, i look like john mccains neck right now http://tfl.nu/y0kt
  Replies (5) Good night (630) Bad night (1346)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.

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  (508): Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast. (508): PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail. http://tfl.nu/qbqn
  Replies (29) Good night (5345) Bad night (773)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?

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  (937): how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on? http://tfl.nu/yug9
  Replies (16) Good night (5067) Bad night (1103)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think

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  (763): using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think http://tfl.nu/9ucc
  Replies (3) Good night (2687) Bad night (1065)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.

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  (402): Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home. http://tfl.nu/zy9j
  Replies (4) Good night (1282) Bad night (820)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those

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  (704): Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell (1-704): Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those http://tfl.nu/iyze
  Replies (4) Good night (1782) Bad night (988)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  You are such a penis elitist

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  (250): Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing (1-250): You are such a penis elitist http://tfl.nu/ym08
  Replies (11) Good night (1580) Bad night (598)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week

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  (724): I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week http://tfl.nu/5fel
  Replies (15) Good night (2127) Bad night (591)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers

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  (573): So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40 (417): I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers http://tfl.nu/ngz4
  Replies (5) Good night (1748) Bad night (618)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store

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  (678): My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store http://tfl.nu/soqr
  Replies (7) Good night (1084) Bad night (530)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.

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  (607): I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know. http://tfl.nu/l46m
  Replies (3) Good night (1139) Bad night (623)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE

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  (803): Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE http://tfl.nu/rt74
  Replies (13) Good night (545) Bad night (1247)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...

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  (775): My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal... http://tfl.nu/n6o9
  Replies (3) Good night (369) Bad night (554)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.

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  (508): I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking. http://tfl.nu/8mby
  Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (423)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.

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  (561): Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks. http://tfl.nu/zysc
  Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (128)

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