first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
