a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
where are my eyebrows?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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