Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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