OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
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well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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