threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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