I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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