as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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