Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
