He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
