"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
