is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
