There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
