About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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