I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
