i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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