take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
