She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
