it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
