maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
