i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
