I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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