i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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