Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
