we're chasing vodka with high fives
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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