At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
