I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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