I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
