im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
