Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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