By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
