Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
