My nipple is on Facebook.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
