so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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