dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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