this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
