have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
