i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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