So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
