I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
sex in a hospital.. check
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
