Don't EVER smell your tampon
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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