thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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