i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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