She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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