nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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