I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize